Thursday, 15 November 2012

Toxic Friends

Some friends are really toxic.

You know the ones.

  • They hum and haw and say they will, then they won't, but that's not the problem.
  • They only ever ask about themselves and never ask about you.  
  • They want to pass on the gossip, but never share anything about themselves.
How insulting is it when a friend tells you a lie, and you know them well enough to know they are telling a lie?    The glory hunters, the back peddlers, the interfering busybodies.

What is this all about?

I've lost friends recently and I know why.  Eldest did something stupid at school.  I'm not going to share what he did as it could come back to bite me on the bum.  It's enough to say he got excluded for it, but the exclusion was overturned as it was going from the ridiculous to the sublime.  

I had warned them that he would do things like that if he was unsupported and they refused to support him. That's not his problem, or mine, it's theirs.

Littlest has a sort of problem with a boy at school, and it's related to heresay about the scrape eldest got himself into. Arms and legs were added and it's got out of proportion.

With all of that and many local parents shunning me in case I have raised thugs, it's hard to know where to fit in.  The adoption thing follows my kids and they are often bullied and teased about us not being their "real parents."

I don't expect my own friends to be so self centred.

It's only recently that I've realised that one or two of my friends are just as toxic as some of the local mums are.  Ok, I have a whinge occasionally in real life but I save most of that for a splurge online when I need to.   I can't even use Scottish Mum Blog as they all know about it now.  They don't know about this one though, and none of them tweet.  

Toxic friends aren't our friends, they draw our energy and our patience.  I sit and listen to people with far less issues with their kids moan on, while they never reciprocate about mine.   I offer advice and support and I feel that some of them are like the leeches of old, sapping me for what I know and what I can do to help them, but god forbid they should have to listen to any of my own struggles with special needs adoption.

I even see the glaze in some of their eyes now and again when they realise what they've just said, and who they said it to.  We all make mistakes and say or do things that we wished we hadn't, but telling me a lie about something to do with me, to my face, just leaves me speechless. 

I never challenge that.  Some of these people would take it as a reason to beat themselves up for weeks over, so I listen, silently seethe, and bide my time until I can escape.

What is the post for, it's really a rant.  Perhaps this should be called the rant blog...  It's definitely the red maze for a reason.  

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